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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2007.09.06  10.49 he;llo? cybernet? high, god, its me abby. i just though i'd tell you that i just wrote a check for 900 dollars on an empty bank account. and that my roommate left everything he owned in the apartment, so i spent a solid two days cleaning up. besides that, i'm getting a new toilet this morning, and my new fancy roommate is coming to kick it and live large. i love you sco girls. okay? i know ive said it before and been unreliable,,,, but give me your addresses if you can spare a minute, because i have a boxfull of stamps and envelopes under my bed, and a mailbox across the street. got it? my red bearded landlord is here with boxes full of new toilet parts. 7.0. dominion dominated.

	2007.07.02  15.20 hey yall. yes that last entry (wtf~!!!?) said that I am COMING HOME in august. get ready. my turtle is turning pink from all the shrimp he eats. i have great neighbors. my boy is coming for a visit.

	2007.06.29  14.29 OHhhhhh. i woke up at 11:23 when aviv was at the guestroom door of his grandparents NYC aparment. he left for connecticut, and i rubbed my eyes, made 2 eggs and drank an entire bottle of pinot grigio. san franciscoites, i missssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.every"s"represents a year of missing san francisco. oooh. everyone is easts coast. how dare you. i am drunk and content and romanitcand pissed and happy and dreamt that i had to use a computrer for internet to communicate with my brethrren as my ex boyfrriend and his new bretheren where in the next room over. i am not looking at the keyboard. phooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! lets alld ace and cry all daaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!whooooooooooooo ooo ooo oo ooo oo oo oo oo oo o oo ooo oo ooo o ooo o o oo oo o o o ooooooooooooooooooooooooooFUXK ME FUM BIHYND!! i love you clare, i love you rashida, i love you franny (agirlherelooxexactlylikeyounamedsuzan.shedances)iloveyou naomi iloveyou hannah i love you nana and mommmmmmma and brother and wiana weedjio growin, and aviv andtimm, patarix,suzinnoidcrock oftotally unsure rizdizle. so i amiss you greengoogle, and stix it in me cockpoop apointrogerraphsy letz smokez potez on the steps of oneposts. you gots ititisonepostsosots. hahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BW BAKxsss IN AUGUST BITCHES ANE LOVES!!!!!! Music: YOU MY FAVOWRITE!

	2007.06.14  09.00 breakin back bubblin corpse in the kitchen, hoes in the basement. goldfish dying of paint thinner poisoning. no bed no shoes, crock of BILE. stupid feathers and stupid fabrix. goo en moin nose, goo en mine eyes, and nadabody nowhere. fuckin cold weather and mutherfuck cigarettes. handbooks no money no tools. aint nothin gonna happen. my last five dollars went into a small plastic flower pot and were driven away for beers. the beers give you a head ache, the cigarettes make it live. the pot turns your eyes pink and combines with naragansett///a whole pink face. the next step is to enter a roomfull of brown students, and you meet them all. and they each have ONE beer on the table. in front of them. and they go "WOeeww, i had a little TEWWW much TO DRINK!HAHAHAHahahaha." not a warm drop, not a warm rug, not a nuthin loto. miss you Music: atmosphiiir

	2007.06.08  20.06 -who.ooowee! i found two tiny golden feederfish in a polluted fountain in the quad. i put them in fresh water and am feeding them tetra-fin. -my dad finally agreed that the urban computer was a piece of shit, and now i've got a big ol 14 incher. -i spent all morning in the nature lab with a white rat cuddling in my sweatshirt and chewing on my hair. i was drawing twisted lizards, dried out bananas, fishes, a vulture head...the best were the dried out crawling mouse fetuses. two were lying down, one with its back skin pinned back, the other with its belly skin pinned, showing its tiny little organs and rib cage. i feel good. .....i started this entry a long time ago, and now it is may 13th, nearing finals and i have not done a stitch or work for a little twoo long. oi vey. i miss all OH. It is now friday june eighth. One goldfish got a parasite so i froze him. the other, peaquad, is now swimming around with a turtle named brahm. There's two other tanks, on the windowsill, one with a boy betta fish, one with a girl. The boy shredded the girls tail when i put them together for mating. i will bust out of my skin, all for san francisco longing. its true. the heels of my feet are peeling, and the tips of my fingers. its just a matter of time, and i will be splitting my skin up the arms and legs, and then around the belly. Then, as slimey muscle-woman, i will run all the way. accross the country, take one huge bound when i reach the cali border, and i'll land right on my bike, and zip around the bay. im loungin. legitimately hangin. sun is just quitting my windows, and its coolin off. penn gave me two cds to ease my pain and they're calmin me down like a mother does. i dont know where to direct all of what i got in me. Music: doggie hi.

	2007.03.22  20.30 AAAAAAUUUGHHH. im pushing all the risd limits, and not talking to anyone about it and i feel imight bust. tonight im running to new york city. i didnt go to class all week. all these boys i didnt know i liked are beginning to make me shivver every time i see them and are beginning to torture me everytime i dont see them. .i'm looking around and i only see a couple things. bye. BNY>E

	2007.03.05  17.05 . i always thought i was just a regular dude. no sir.

	2007.02.25  12.05 my creature, clay. i had my creature show last night. i was full of my character when i was onstage. when my friends came backstage after the show, and when i busted out of the theater into saturday night, i was roaring and bitter. i felt extraordinarily vulnerable at having just shown everybody my clay. it really got to me that sam was watching the show, and that we had weird interactions before i went on. and after the show it got to me that people had genuine responses to my guy. they said they were moved. and i didnt know what to say back. so i sucked in my strength to give them a sturdy smile and a thank you. then i stomped out screaching, smoked pot, drew, somehow calmed down and trusted all my friends again. though i was in a roomfull of people at 11 o'clock pm, i decided to go to sleep.

	2007.02.19  00.36 i have to stay calm if i am to succeed in keeping my spirit in tact. to keep myself swelling full of myself will be a battle against strange tensions that people somehow release into the air. it is all imaginary, and that is why serenity is the only way--watch, assess, breathe, act. constant medetation will be the vehicle to fight these mental bullies.

	2007.02.04  04.15 okay sorry there is so much alcohol and rosa in my life right now that all my words come out in funky asss poetry, and fragmented distantly related, acid trip images. but its also coming from that place lillian spoke from during the graduation speech. the inspiration i get here is xtremely funny, and life turns into a comedic play where my friends constantly are staging strange little scenes and playing them through life. wearing funny clothes, role playing, a piece of lillian. i got a message from her yesterday. she screamed my name for minutes, and did some jiving. she is back. and so i am back*. al is wearing a peruvian brimmed hat woven of grey black and white alpaca, with marching llamas printed around the brim, a red plaid flannel, a cream orange and brown colored knit sweatshirt, an absurdly large brown furry vest, jeans, brown cowboy boots, and usual necklaces (1: brown beads with talons, 2. brown beads, 3. everycolor dayglo raverbeads.) travis is in a blue cotton button up, a long dark blue pea coat, jeans, black cowboy boos. penn wears a blue and white checkered flanne, blue jeans, brown desert boots. i wear funky black fuzzy walgreens socks, black flats, jeans, a blue tea shirt with funny men boutiqued onto it, the guatemalen green and black checkered scarf bennie gave me, a beaded necklace around my wrist, a leather strap tied. there is a box that has the white album record spinning around in it, lights pointed at the walls making yellow light avia red wine bottles set up like bowling pins with the labels all facing the same direction, 2 grey plastic miniature humans to draw from: a male and a female. cameras, fans, computers, a bunk bed, a couch with a woven fabric over it and prety patterend pilows. jim beam bottles and a fridgefull of beer. an envelope full of mariejené. a guitar a stack of harmonicas, a mandolin, a banjo, clothes, a musky lived in smell, bumpy bedsheets and winter coats. k *(inot in san francisco.)

	2007.02.03  22.35 yes. inspiration. i am a creator and a queen of underlands. silly girls. always hang around. daytime is around. there are beating hearts thump thump thadump thadump. i became aware of mine today when i moved so much that my heart beat was jolting through my whole body. im not kidding, it was not the normal thing where like your finger gets hurt and throbs. it was my shoulder and neck pulsing around and not much voluntary movement other than that. i am looking at the space between two people. dont melt and merge. i am a part of every road you've walked down.

	2007.01.26  11.08 i played a show the other day, and fell over while they were waiting for me to get up there. chyeah chey. i think boys are stupid when they mope about girls they cant have. i miss you all very much and im successfully constructing a huge tortoise/ostrich/camel. ingredients: sheets and sheets of a sickly green 1/2 inch foam rubber. a cool stapler a yarn needle and thick waxed thread yards of crinkly fabric beads and shells nylon liquid latex acrylic colors and talmac powder.

	2007.01.20  05.13 my mom fed zonkermin carrier his turkish delight and told him no more. he rolled in a barrel of powdered sugar and left with bloody gums and a headache. i had a crimp in my shoulder just from watching. i was hidden behind a monstrous shiney leaf young moon face sleeps in my bed. ella fitz sings never treats me sweet and gentle, the way he should. i got it bad and that ain't good. my poor heart is sentimental, not made of wood. i got it bad and that ain't good, to this my head is lifted by the ears like on some clothes line reeling me around the music. like a cartoon dog with a line of scent caught in his nose. he rises to hind quarters. i will arise and stay in my pajamas until my i have two fresh batches of laundry. i will eat a muffin a scone perhaps some fruit and a coffee i will continue stapling together my gypsy woman camel-goat as i watch the nooz or cartoonz in the homer five lounge, as the sun comes in. there'll be steam floating through the aiz Mood: amused

	2007.01.02  01.05 iim bringing kiddie educational tapes back to risd. who are all you people.

	2006.12.30  14.49 GARGAmel wakes up at twelve o'clock.

	2006.12.28  02.10 okay, guys. i feel like we've all been building up steady and truthful accounts of ourselves on this thing for a solid bunch of years. do you feel like that? or do you like, laugh at people. .. my mom taught me young not to be tough. but ive been smoking for three years now and my skin is getting leathery. i've had a rough run of it the past couple days. and weeks and also months. the foundations of my life were shook up, and ive been pulverized. i slog up the mucky hills and through the deep bogs. im okay, but for a little bit i almost gave up. because there is no reason to even try to climb out of holes. i really upset my mom. now i am in bed and its elevenish and im going to wake up at a decent hour tomorrow. and i might look peachy and clean when i wake up, and there wont be any makeup smeared around my eyes. and i dont think i'll have a headache, and my teeth will be a little straighter cause i'm wearing my retainer. there is this goofy boy who i have been daydreaming about who i am going to see before this break is over. he's got funny freckles and is quiet but also likes to plop down on a piano bench with me and make some stories. there are many passionate people that i have no chance of seeing again. i am wondering now if that leaves a big scar for a long time or forever. acheyaches

	2006.12.21  15.29 yeah san francisco breeds happiness in me. things are a lot freer. you can se farther down the street. and there seem to be more opportunities floating around i hung out with my brother in dolores park. we were talking about some fungus that grows inside of ants, i looked at my cigarette and the cherry was all sunken in and made the thing look like an uncircumsized penis. i zoned out into a memory of a drunken night in ale's little house. i imagined myself giddy and drunk in yellow light, and silently remembered the seated cough attack i had during a sensetive conversation after debauched sex. dreadful embarassment to love love and aching relief as i zoomed through time to the scene in the kitchen as ale grabbed me in secret caress and firm kiss on the cheek...spun perfectly between gerardo turning his broad back to reach for the dulce de leche, and manuel stomping in the front door to start a fire for his mate. I felt myself press into it...."and then their heads just look all big and ugly and crazy. in the video the other ants take the crazy ants to the land of the exiled ants and just leave them there." i became aware of the mulch at the base of the palm tree in front of me again. "woah"--spun back into the scene i was sitting in.. "yeah but then when the mushroom is gonna grow, the ant just dies and the mushroom grows from its body." sometimes i think that i should not have tripped on acid at all, it lends itself to cooky mindwarps in and out of memories and way beyond,...making it hard to stay thinking on one track. ..and i get scared that everyone around are sane and i am not. this is not true. i got a lot a truth. bleh ballah. anky

	2006.12.19  04.40 haha;. i am home. what the fuck am i usually even talking about. life is grand loab by

	2006.12.15  19.58 i got so scared last night. my thoughts were paralyzed in my head, and i had no way of speaking to my articulate friends. i had half a bottle of wine, some skyy vodka and some jim beam in me. i smoked and then was retarded and embarassed. and they were embarassed for me. and i breathed into my own bubble and said no no no dont looka t me. i went back to my room that was turned all the way upside down. my underpants were in the trash, my cigarettes were spread all over the bed. wire and paper clippings and cds, pens, glitter, feathers. too many, everywhere. a bobbypin type of mess is the hardest to clean. really really really. then i fell into the scary state. like the dark and self loathing spirit world that pauline falls into in that awful native american book, tracks. my world was dark blood red and spinning with terrible chunks of off white. i vomited up my poison. into the trashbag, and it spilled out again onto my lap and onto my comforter. i got delicate then. i carefully took off all my clothes. fixed the trashbag so it wouldnt leak. left things as they were. i lay down in my freshly made bed. then i woke up and was okay again. just embarassed. Music: going to see japanther in an hour.

	2006.12.13  03.13 penn the folk boy and i played. again tonight. running on half bottle of jim bean each. each in our own wool winter coat. yelps and hums and mmmmda's. our songs dont get too far from loops, but our excitement and stomping head shaking teeth to the sky is self perpetuating, we never naturally stop. good good golly miss pretty molly. head is achin a bit, my mouth is tired of cigarettes. so it will be golden bits now.

	2006.12.12  15.15 urban urban urban urban, the days that used to ruin me. i am fucking up again. convinced that i am incapable of writing the last final lasts. I decided all i want to do is play music in the middle of nowhere. nowhere is loose and sunshiney and detached. i think there are fields and things there. and i want to go there because it is the exact opposite of my being. i am innately in solid chunks of junk. there are lots of small objects that are delicate and beautiful. i must sift through every belonging i own to find the gold-jointed fish-pendant. sifting is not like going thrrough sand with your fingers. sifting is lifting and heaving and digging. spinning and landing ready to pounce.. and self deception, brainstorms of places you know you caught a glimpse of it. i can convince myself it was here and that it was there, cause i know exactly how its chain was laying over the rim of my shoe. and that is just a necklace to put on. oh shit now where is my rubber cement. thats what i really need to get anywhere. in the tub. no on the floor. no, over the closet. no in that pocket of that jacket that has the red sweater and the turquoise shirt all twisted up in it. i cannot look at anything i own. it all is heavy. carry my heavy load in that heavy color of green. it doesnt feel heavy until i hear all the rustling i do to find pens and bullshit. i want nothing anymore ever. my teeth are rotting. they'll turn yellow and blotchy, translucent brown, and calcium clumps will stay white. they'll pain me so badly that i cannot eat sugar or salt or flavor. i will not breathe with an open mouth. flavor of fresh cold air will sink in like pure ache. mouth will turn mealy and salival and turn yellow-green from the inside out. lungs will die first in a shrivle, or swollen infected pinkness. ribbons of phlegm. my clothes will soak up my oils and hang heavy and beating at my sides. i'll become a nest for bacteria and stench and bitterness. metalic blood will rise to the surface of my eyeballs if i dont leave this place.

	2006.12.06  07.42 the lumbering bear was bloodied. i saved a snip of its hair to keep with me in the locket around my neck. i built a fire from logs, bugs hovered, bear still. it kept warm as i built its chapel. sticks and dry cold leaves. stood in a clear spot in the woods. his bones were dried. his skin was warm as mine. river cold liver clear. i'll be here the night. thought i might rise swirling up, with this snip around me here. bear blood, bare muscle. tear sinew young peter de coupage helen has a tumor and clara has the shits.

	2006.11.27  01.43 bip bop drance scant hello friends. i had golden thanksgiving at grandmas three new england twenty-something happy couples four single charming young men who are my cousins ping pong in sheep socks sheep socks on sand-ground. under trees. along with toads. and aunties and uncles four greyhaired brothers and an austrian man named tomas. he ate his first cranberries and turkey chunks sitting next to me in the greenhouse under the bald and wintering fig tree. abuela and i ate beets together and i sang her some songs. i lit the fire with logs in a cauldron on top of soot i sang i sang songs to spirited teenagers opened the show with my haunted risd recordings for true true happy boys i drew for the crowds, crowds drew with me we danced i danced, they danced. i hugged a shirtless boy in the morning who is not afraid of death. i talked happy to my good friend liana. i talked refreshed to funny friend travis i talked rambling sensical to my real friend james life is starting again and it will stop again we are okay with that li li li li l ili ana. i want to be your friend for a long long time.

	2006.11.14  06.55 oohh hello so this is a sonng you cannot hear it but its been going all day long. since last night when i discovered the magic of notes they're simple they're quiet they're silly but my voice goes well oh over and over and over and over oh notes i will think thee. mm quiet me quiet me quiet me before french fry wakes up. there she is asleepin oh aspennn im bleedin' it is early early morn and im mournin for sleep yeah. oh alleee oh wild wound west for this coast im so fulla scorn i got no no no no no rhythm i got no no no no notime i got no no no no nopoetry no no not a drop in me no not no not no no no no nodrop innnnn my mind. Music: 1 3 5 135 135 135

	2006.11.08  01.21 travis slept from 5-6 30 am in the flourescent lighted studio. i maticulously drew small lines and dots forever into the night and then the day began. typical. havent slept for 38. i okay. we walked back from studio shivering with the boombox and cigarettes hanging from our mouths. i had a peasants skirt on and goosbumps i dont know. its one. my body rebels, mad at caf food. i need new cassettes. new skin too. its getting dry out. dry and cold and pin splitting lip. i drew the most haunted house today. and all i need really is one day where i am allowd to sleep allllllllllllllllllldy